Post written by Christa Avampato. You can follow Christa on Twitter.
“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.” ~ Ambrose Bierce, journalist, satirist, as quoted from his “Devil’s Dictionary”
We know these people – those who talk for the sake of hearing themselves talk, who have no self-awareness, who spend 59 minutes of an hour long conversation talking about themselves and 1 minute hearing what others have to say.
A friend of mine was recently dating a guy who is the epitome of a bore – she is always out doing interesting things while he sits around in coffee shops thinking about doing interesting things without following through on them. I’m glad to report she’s moved on.
But what if you can’t move on from the bore in your life just yet?
Perhaps the bore is your boss, or a family member, of a neighbor whom you need to live next to for the next 11 months of your 1-year lease.
I’m glad to let you know that you don’t need to suffer in silence. Here are some thoughts and tips from my own experience:
6 Ways To Deal With Bores (p.s. you might even learn something from them)
1.) Ask questions, lots of clarifying questions. Bores love controlling the entire conversation, often giving obscure quotes and spouting off ideas that are not at all grounded in reality. Push them further than their own surface knowledge on the topics they choose. This will make them think twice before approaching you again on these topics. As a rule, bores avoid those with anything beyond surface knowledge.
2.) Offer to put them in touch with someone that is an expert on the topics they bring up in conversations. Or provide them with websites or book recommendations that relate to their comments. Again, real knowledge scares them and they’ll probably take the avoidance tact with you.
3.) Never look idle in their presence. They try to seek out those that they think aren’t that busy – it’s easier to use up someone’s time if they aren’t actively engaged in another activity. And using up someone’s time is what bores are all about.
4.) Be honest about whether or not you’re really interested in what they’re saying. Feigning interest will just get you more of the bore. You can still be polite, and by polite I mean figure out how to politely excuse yourself from their presence once they are on a boring rant.
5.) See if you can learn something. Let’s say you’re stuck with the bore – no way out at a particular moment. See if there might be something you can learn from the topic the bore is stuck on at this moment. Or take it as a lesson in human behavior. Everyone has something to teach us, and if we’re stuck with someone, we might as well try to salvage something from the conversation.
6.) There’s nothing worse than someone who uses everything you say as an opportunity to talk about themselves without any give and take. With the bore, the gloves are off. Feel free to interject with your own opinions and experiences during every possible moment. This annoys them, and sends them on their way with a taste of their own medicine. Who knows – maybe you can actually turn them into a better listener!
If you have other strategies for combating the bore, we’d love to hear them. Cheers to interesting conversations!
