Post written by Laura Cococcia. You can follow Laura on Twitter.
I think my mother gave me Karen Salmansohn’s Even God is Single, So Stop Giving Me a Hard Time ages ago after a sad breakup. She also was a nun before she married my father, so had to throw in the God part somewhere.
Ever been single? 100% of you just said yes since none of us were married when we were born.
Salmansohn is uniquely hilarious in her assessment of singledom, famous singles and God as a single person. If God is single, and God (if you believe in one) is pretty cool and generous, then all singles must be just as fabulous, right?
Salmansohn says yes. Here are a few favorite lines to hook you:
“Married people are not necessarily better catches simply because they were caught. I mean, have you taken a look at some of the married people out there? Frankenstein was married.”
“Look at our cool single role models. Catwoman. Buddha. All superheroes.”
“Why am I single? It’s a mystery right up there with ‘why don’t other countries have better toilet paper.’”
I won’t rewrite the book for you, but you catch my drift. It’s a short read, so no massive commitment needed.
Whether you’re currently single, married, a raging serial monogamist, have multiple partners or (gasp!) simply want to be single to avoid the hassle, you’ll love this parody. Because we were all there at one time or another. And might be again.
And when you feel like you’re the Last Person on Earth That’s Not Married, just remember that God would go out for a beer with you if we could ever find him or her. God usually has a pretty busy schedule, but as a fellow single, God would make the time for a single girls or guys night out.
Tell me what you think. For starters:
What’s the funniest thing anyone has ever said to you about your relationship status, whether single, married or in between?
Or, if no one has ever said anything funny – tell us about the most embarrassing date you’ve been on and we’ll promise to share too.
You can read more about Karen Salmansohn on her site: http://notsalmon.com/
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
LOVE this! One of my favorite books is How To Be Happy Dammit and I had no idea that Karen had so many other, awesome-looking books. Can't wait to check 'em out! :)
Laura, this is absolutely hilarious. I have to get this book! the funniest thing someone ever said to: "Well, if someone's 30 and not married, you know theire going to take anything they can get." (I'm 33 and not attached. And trust me, I'm not taking "anything I can get".) Or maybe it's this one: "You know at 35, your fertility falls off the cliff. You really need to think about freezing your eggs." Or prehaps this one from a co-workers "I mean, I need to be married now at 27. I'm not going to be single at 33." (I'm 33 and single). At the time, these comments were hurtful. Now they're just so ridiculous that I have to laugh!
Fabulous, Laura! The funniest thing said to me as a married lady was "Is this your father?" And, Christa, you are awesome. Still laughing!
Love this!!! The worst date I have ever been on was a blind date that I didn't know I was on. My mom set it up so I would "accidently" meet a guy while we were attending a wedding. Everyone – including the guy, the bride and the groom – was in on it but me. My mother had never met the guy but took the word of the mother-of-the-bride that he was "perfect" for me. Big mistake. He was a New Jersey prison guard, and any stereotypes that you have about New Jersey or prison guards applied to this guy. I couldn't leave the wedding fast enough! (And, I didn't talk to my mother for 3 weeks!)
Too funny, thanks for the laughs Laura and Christa. Conversely, in one of my darker moments after a breakup, I bought a book "If I'm so wonderful, why am I still single?" (Rejection can do crazy things…) It's already out the door and going to be recycled only to be replaced with this book!
Thank you all of your wonderful comments and sharing your stories!
@postivelypresent – I LOVE How To Be Happy Dammit – you and I are always on the same wavelength!
@Christa – haha, I know, it's unbelievable that people make those assumptions. Definitely get this book – you'll be laughing for days, I promise!
@Mom – you always make me laugh!
@Jennifer – omg, your story is hilarious – you need to write a book about it! Hmm, maybe we could all collaborate … :)
@lindan – definitely a must read – you'll love it. No matter if one's single or attached I recommend this and all of Karen's books!
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