Guest post by Jennifer Monahan-Searles.
Yesterday while walking to my client’s office, I saw a man pushing a toddler in a stroller coming toward me. The sidewalk was a bit uneven, so he momentarily lost control of the stroller and slid across the sidewalk.
He quickly regained control of the stroller, but not before the businessman in front of me was forced to stop to avoid contact with
the stroller.
The exchange between the two men went like this:
Man with stroller (with genuine feeling and concern): I’m so sorry! Excuse me!
Businessman (angrily): [expletive]!
Man with stroller (now also angry): [expletive!]
The entire interaction, including the loss of control of the stroller, took less than 2 minutes. Both men then went on their respective ways. Needless to say, it got me thinking.
What had happened? How is it possible that a 2-minute interaction based on something as innocuous as a stroller with a child in it getting in someone’s way cause such a heated exchange?
And then I realized the answer: it was ego. The businessman’s ego obviously felt it was too important to have to stop for 10 seconds while another human being helped a child. How sad.
What could have been a pleasant interaction – or even an opportunity to help another person – turned into a negative experience driven by the businessman’s ego “monster” that prevented him from reaching a higher level.
The businessman was unable to see beyond his own monster, which distorted reality to suit his needs. Unable to see with his heart and be aware, the businessman could only react violently to the situation.
And, the man with the stroller also had an ego response: instead of letting the businessman’s anger bounce off of him, he took it personally and felt compelled to strike back.
I recently read Unity Quest – Changing the World from within Yourself by Lane Michel and Anik Bose, which discusses how transcending the ego can bring about unity and connect the world.
The book tells the story of a very successful Silicon Valley businessman who begins to question the meaning of his life and learns how he has shut himself off from the rest of the world because of his ego monster.
Through a lot of work and introspection, the businessman taps into inner spiritual guidance and guides he didn’t even know were there for him all along.
As a result, he makes some drastic changes that not only impact him, but also everyone and everything he comes in contact with.
To chronicle his journey, the businessman keeps a journal of “Key Truths” or lessons learned as he transforms himself. These Key Truths focus on the innate wisdom each of us has inside; how to see from the heart; the need for awareness, clarity and consciousness; and the ultimate goal of transcending the ego to achieve unity.
In our culture of pressures, demands, wants and needs, I’m guessing we can all relate in one way or another.
We all have an ego. How have you transcended yours lately?
–
Jennifer Monahan-Searles spends her days (and occasional evenings and weekends!) helping organizations understand their customers, using that insight to create better customer experiences and relationships.
She has just started a blog on customer strategy. When not working, you can usually find her exploring her favorite city, San Francisco.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd say part of transcending our egos comes from maturity. There was a time when my ego could really get the best of me.
Now that I've aged a bit, I've gained a better appreciation for how little I really know. I've mellowed as a by-product of that.
Of course, some people never get over it either, so maybe I'm way off base here…
Hey Greg – I would agree with your perspective…maturity definitely makes a difference, primarily because we have so many experiences behind us to help grow a little bit…but I would say I have glimpses of immaturity at times too :)
Jennifer – thank you for sharing your experiences and I look forward to reading the book. I loved the example you used from your run-in with the two guys – I bet we could all recite a similar story or two! Especially here in NYC…
Laura, what a thoughtful little poke in the side you've offered up. Things we know, but forget, because the ego (I call it the lizard brain) can take over. Even the mature ones among us, when distracted or hurried or harried, get off balance. I think I could use a peek at that book. Thanks for the heads up.